In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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