dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need a burrito and a hug.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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