It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Duck Duck Cougar?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.