I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden