Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.