It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.