If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"