I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.