I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.