Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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