im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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