like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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