you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
