new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
