I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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