Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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