its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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