Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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