i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.