we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dating After Heartbreak
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.