I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.