$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?