i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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