I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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