Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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