I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
