he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
