Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?