Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.