Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.