The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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