I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
