yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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