So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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