So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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