Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
