hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize