your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
