We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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