? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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