Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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