God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
