she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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