omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The air taste purple.
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