I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
