You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize