Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
