two words: eviction party
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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