I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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