i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
