i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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