So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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