He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
