She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
