I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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