just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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