You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
