But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
