Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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