Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
