i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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